My weight loss goals kept me from fully enjoying my newborn

I gained exactly 100 pounds during my pregnancy. Between satisfying every craving, stress eating, and staying in bed at the end, I didn’t stand a chance.

I was surprised by how much extra weight I had left after giving birth. During my pregnancy, I could tell I was gaining weight, but I really thought the majority of it was what we call “baby weight.” People told me to eat whatever I wanted, and I did.

I ended up being 80 pounds of baby weight after giving birth. I felt completely overwhelmed by this.

Before my pregnancy, I maintained the same weight for many years, never really fluctuating more than ten pounds, give or take. If my pants started to feel tight, I would exercise more and watch what I ate until my pants felt right again. Committing to losing 10 pounds is very different from wanting to lose 80, so my approach became obsessive panic about losing weight.

I started by walking and eating healthier, but I went too far

Since I had a C-section I was in a lot of pain, but the nurses told me the best thing I could do to recover was to walk. So that’s what I did and I really committed to doing it. I would take my son in his stroller and my dog ​​for at least two to three long walks a day, covering about two miles each time, which is important while you’re still recovering.

At home, if I had to go up or down the stairs for something, I would go up and down the stairs a few more times to burn a few extra calories. The more exasperated I became with my weight gain, the more I found ways to exercise too much.

I also became obsessed with finding ways to eat fewer calories by eating mostly vegetables and lean proteins. My favorite lunches back then were tuna on crackers and black bean soup. For dinner, I often ate cabbage “steak” with Sriracha.

Looking back, I now know that I was putting unnecessary pressure on myself and rushing my weight loss in an emotionally and physically unhealthy way. At the time, I was eager to feel like myself again.

The pressure I put on myself was a distraction for my baby

I wish I had focused more on enjoying my son when he was a baby instead of putting so much effort into dieting and exercising. A more loving version of myself would have been lenient about weight gain and simply allowed the weight to disappear over time.

Looking back, I often wonder if I had just started playing with my son all day, then that might have been enough of an activity to help me lose weight. Although it probably would have taken longer, I would have removed a huge stressor from my life, which I imagine would have helped me a lot as a new mom.

I just should have taken better care of my body during my pregnancy

For a long time, I thought about having another baby and doing everything right the second time around, like maintaining my normal healthy habits of daily movement and balanced meals during my pregnancy. If I had to do it again, that’s what I would do.

Ultimately, the effect of my pregnancy weight gain had a negative impact on my early days of motherhood. On top of the normal emotions and exhaustion of life with a newborn, I blamed myself for letting my body go, and then punished myself with an aggressive approach to weight loss.

I should have celebrated my body for giving me my son and focused on every moment with him.

When my son was 2, I had lost most of the weight

I was mostly happy with my body and myself for working so hard to lose weight, but once I reached my goal and didn’t worry about it so much, I started to see what I had been missing. By the time I felt comfortable enough in my body, my son was no longer a baby. I took this realization as a lesson and started running more with my son and baking cupcakes and other treats with him on the weekends.

My relationship with exercise and food finally returned to my pre-pregnancy level, and it gave me the time and energy to enjoy my son. He really grew up so fast, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize that enjoying his childhood was the most important thing back then.