How to live in Spain before children saved my marriage

Every Wednesday, I cycled through downtown Madrid to my Spanish immersion class, pulling out my travel mug of coffee as I sat next to friends from Russia and Thailand to practice our mediocre “¿Cuánto cuesta?” together. On Sunday, we wandered the stalls at El Rastro, a flea market filled with colorful scarves and discounted underwear.

After we got married (and before we had four children), my husband and I quit our jobs and moved to Spain for a year. He accepted a contract teaching position at a local college, which allowed us to get a visa and an apartment. I have written remotely for companies in the US and Australia.

During that year, I enjoyed churros in squares and went shopping along the Douro River in Portugal, but I had no idea how grateful I would be to have explored the world before starting a family.

We learned to rely on each other

Navigating life 4,000 miles from everyone we knew caused us to lean deeply on each other early in our marriage.

When we arrived in Madrid, finding a landlord who would rent to expats for a year proved to be a real challenge. At one point we found a place, but had to put down a deposit within a few hours. Instead, I found myself screaming at an ATM because my international debit card wasn’t working. Joe then took the lead in looking for an apartment – his Spanish skills much better than mine – and found us a place near the Madrid Rio. I had to trust him and he pulled through, like he always does.

While hiking the Camino de Santiago, a bee sting inflamed Joe’s leg and he could no longer carry his bag. It was up to me to lug all of our clothes, snacks, and toiletries on my back as we traveled from hostel to hostel.

Living abroad has created a foundation of trust and problem-solving. We call on these skills when staying up at night with kids or having a blowout in public without a diaper bag in sight. We learned and practiced how to overcome everything together.

Living our dreams gave us a spark

On long weekends and school holidays we traveled across Europe: flights were cheap to Greece, Ireland and Poland. We went to the south of France to hike the Pyrenees, to Dublin to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, to Lithuania to ride horses and sip vodka with Joe’s extended family. In Greece, we tasted cheese with factory workers, explored pristine beaches, and strolled the Acropolis.

With no kids and no major responsibilities, we went at our own pace and took advantage of the opportunity to see as much of Europe as we could on our budget. Adventures together have created a feeling of pure joy and lightness in our marriage. We could literally see the world. It planted the seed that we could indeed live large, pursue our dreams, and design the life we ​​wanted.

We focused on us and our priorities

In a new environment, away from family, friends and American culture, we could listen to what was important to us – not to everyone else. We had the space to figure out our priorities, like a more relaxed daily rhythm, a strong community, and trips to places that filled our souls. We imagined what could be different for our lives and what we really care about, now and in the future.

At least two dozen strangers told me, “It goes by quickly” and “Don’t blink” about my younger years with my kids. And I agree with them. But marriage also goes quickly: the years spent with my husband are not eternal. Every month we don’t go on a date is a month I miss being with him. It’s also the only life we ​​have with our spouses, and as the years pass, I’m more and more grateful that we were able to experience these wonderful years together before the children were born.

Traveling with children is more complex

We hope to take our children abroad one day – maybe live there for a year or two. But at the moment, with four young children, it is difficult to achieve this. The logistics of naps, meals, school, work, and expenses are more difficult for a family of six than for just the two of us.

We still hold on to this dream and continue to plan when it might make sense to travel based on the ages of the children.

For now, I’ve printed large format photos from our travels and put them in frames on our living room wall. Memories serve as the foundation for our love, dreams, and connection, even during the busiest days of parenting. Because right now, beautiful things are also happening in our own home.