An ethical will helped me find meaning after the death of my daughter

This essay as told is based on a conversation with Eric Beckerauthor of “The Long Game: A Handbook of the World’s Most Sustainable Businesses.“It has been edited for length and clarity.

When I was in my forties, I became fascinated by the idea of ​​a ethical will. It is not a financial document, but an ancient tradition in which a matriarch or patriarch passes on her knowledge to future generations.

I spent two years writing the document, which I hoped to eventually share with my three children. I included a bit of family history, like the fact that my grandfather wrote the nightlife column for a Baltimore newspaper, highlighting local jazz clubs. I talked about my own values ​​and our family’s relationship with education.

Then, when I was in my 50s, my daughter Cara died suddenly in her sleep. She had cancer, but her prognosis was excellent. Unfortunately, she had a fatal reaction to her chemotherapy.

Losing Cara was extremely painful. I was in a terrible state. Then I stumbled upon my ethical will and thought, “I knew this guy. I could see the values ​​and beliefs of the man I was before Cara died.

I had created the will for future generations, but it ultimately saved me.

I continued my family legacy of entrepreneurship

Looking at the ethical drive, I saw that entrepreneurship was part of our family heritage. My grandfather played jazz in the nightclubs he talked about. My father was the Jewish King of Christmas. When he was a student, he paid his brothers to dress up as mall Santa, and it became our family business for 53 years.

My brother and I continued this legacy by starting a healthcare business in the early 1980s. We eventually sold it to Blue Cross/Blue Shield and I retired. But a few years after Cara passed away, I realized I was missing investments.

I had a close friend who, like me, was driven by his values ​​and beliefs. I had been affected by the loss of a child; he was affected by his own cancer diagnosis. Together, we opened Cresset, a wealth management company serving families.

I became fascinated with multigenerational businesses

Throughout it all, I’ve been fascinated by what makes certain businesses stand the test of time. I had seen an article about the oldest businesses in Maryland. There, among the names known as utility companies, was a tent rental company, Loade brothers. They had been in business for 200 years.

I was impressed. I learned that the founder moved to Baltimore as a sailmaker in 1815. The company expanded into flags, Civil War tents and awnings. Today, I can still rent a tent from them.

Every time my family went on vacation, I looked up the oldest companies and tried to meet their executives. In Italy, I met a man whose family olive oil business had been in business since the 1500s. He was in the 33rd generation.

I want my business to last 100 years

In talking with other business leaders, I realized there were common elements that helped businesses survive. The first is the idea of ​​management: owners and managers have always believed that the business is bigger than a single individual. As a result, they implemented ethical and intentional succession plans, nurturing the next generation of leaders.

These companies are neither slow nor obsolete, quite the contrary. When they recognize a pivotal moment, they act decisively. They are fully aware of the most important decisions.

I was surprised to find that the principle is the same whether a company is large or small, located in the United States or abroad.

When I founded Cresset, I always said that it would be a 100-year project. I’m 63, so I know it will outlive me. This long-term vision is a powerful guiding force, just as ethical will is for my family.

I never shared the ethical will with Cara before she died, but I shared it with my sons. Whether at work or at home, planning the legacy we leave behind is powerful.